Dear Members,

I just want to share what I am experiencing since my vision has worsened the last year. It is so difficult to go to functions now. I went to a coffee this past Saturday. Since I can no longer see faces, I go by hair. I went up to whom I thought was one of my friends and said, "Jackie, I am so glad to see you." My daughter immediately said that it was not Jackie, but so-and-so. The bad thing was that so-and-so was 20 years younger than Jackie, and she knew Jackie.

Then someone came in whom I thought was my neighbor, and I said, "Oh, Chris, we could have come together." It turned out she was the grandmother of one of my daughter's friends whom I had known all of my life. I do this all of the time. I don't know whether to keep going out or not. It is most embarrassing, and even though everyone is nice, it seems as if I keep apologizing and apologizing. I am getting quite sick of it.

I stood and talked to someone whom I thought used to work in my husband's office and asked her about her children, etc. We carried on a lively conversationm and I did not know at all whom I was talking to. It turned out I had the right person. I don't want to become a recluse, but I am tired of making these mistakes and apologizing, no matter how understanding people are.

Thanks for letting me share.

From Dan:

Dear Mary,

If these people know you, then they should also know that you have a vision problem, in which case they should be doing their part to help you avoid these mistakes.

To approach you without immediately telling you who they are is no different than calling you on the phone and not first introducing themselves. Once they know of your impairment, this becomes their obligation. As such, you have every right to smile and say, "I'm sorry, but you have to tell me your name, you know."

The faux pax is theirs, not yours. And this is only one of the "Ten Basic Courtesies For The Centrally Blind" that we would like for society to learn and follow.

You are too much of a gift to the world, Mary. Please do not stop going out and meeting people. It would be their loss.

From Dave:

From Sharon N:

Dear Dan,

I do not think what I have written is in any way inspirational. However it is something I wrote when I thought for certain I would be blind within a very short time. Perhaps it is useful to those who need to know that their reaction to fear is understood.

Fear, by Sharon Noseworthy.

From Sharon:

This is to Nan, Amy, Cassie and whoever else struggles with depression, anxiety and fear.

I have lived with this particular loss for over 30 years. I can remember, like yesterday the fear and shock. I wanted more than anything to make it not so. In fact I spent a significant part of my life trying to hide the truth, and settled for a lesser self. That lesser self allowed others to believe that I was weird, spacey, rude, and lazy. All this to avoid the truth of low vision. None of us want this to be so. We would do just about anything to make it go away. But the reality is that we have no control over it. Loss is part of life but we as human beings spend most of our lives trying to avoid it!

Friends, we can not avoid this, and I believe that in a very real way we are blessed because of that fact. We are depressed and panicked, because we can not rely totally on ourselves. The beauty of our surroundings begin to fade and eventually disappear. We are stripped of the "DO" part of our identity and forced to see, maybe for the first time, what we are really made of. For most of us, that is frightening! I totally feel the sadness and fear that walk along side of us every day. I just want to remind us all that it is courage and compassion that bind people together. It is love and acceptance that we will remember. Be gentle with yourselves, and let the honest empathy, without apology, that flows from this group of people be like salve to your hearts, and watch how your world begins to brighten.

Here is a re-post of some thoughts I had a while back and the ensuing poem:

When I consider my vision journey, I miss the stars and the smiles of those I love. What would I change if I could? I would, of course, change the connection void, but not the depth that has been gained. It is so easy to wonder if we could have had the same growth without the loss. Of course, we will never know for sure, but I like to think that the blessings are of a deeper kind and have a truer worth. Just some thoughts for the night:

For every star left dim
a universe of courage has been lit.
For every knowing glance that's missed
a heart of insight enjoyed.

Each temptation of independence thwarted
a freedom given, uncorrupted.
And for every tear that's shed
a well of compassion filled.

The isolation of faceless crowds
calls the deep ache of unseen smiles.
Yet the outreached hand of kindness
breaks the silence with laughter's grin.

A thorn, to some it's called,
a true and worthy title.
But those who overcome the wound
marvel in the flower's glory.

From Carolyn:

Hi Maxine,

A lot of people on this list have had their eye problems for awhile now. Maxine, we are new to this. It takes time to get where they are. I think that it is natural to freak when something else happens to our eyes. I know that I will, and I am not going to kick myself over it. We can only be who we are. We have to find our own strength. I find mine with the help of God and the good people on this list. They can give us advice, because they have been where we are now, and they know how we feel. They did not get where they are without going through a lot of hard times.

I really feel for you, and I hate that this is happening to you and me and all of the others. We will get through it, though, one problem at a time.