 | Charlie Lessons from Experience |
| Charlie Lessons from Experience |
As usual, I am responsible for all thoughts in "Travel with Charlie." They are not legal or medical advice, and they are not the policy of the Organization of Macular Friends or MD Support. Some thoughts and options expressed in this article may be sensitive to you. None of us are immortal.
This article deals with couples; however, portions are applicable to single people as well. Issues relating more specifically to singles will be covered in Part 2.
Earlier this year my wife was transported to the emerency room of a hospital. She had severe pneumonia, even though she had had two pneumonia shots. She nearly died. She was there for about a month. From the hospital she was transferred to a rehabilitation hospital, where she stayed for about another month. Even with all this care and treatment, she had not regained enough strength to be able to come home. The next stop was a convalescent hospital. The good news is that each move placed her closer to home, and my travel distance reduced. She is now home and doing well.
My wife, lilke many other macular friends' spouses, is my eyes and wheels. When she left for the hospital, so went my eyes and wheels. What was I to do? Who would cook my meals, do the shopping, write the checks to pay bills, or what else there is to do to live a normal life? Fortunately, this was for only three months, but had she died, it would be forever.
Some of my friends have encountered this same situation. Frequently, this has been a devastating experience. They have had to make a major adjustment in their life, including finding another place to live or having to become overly dependent upon others. Nobody was happy.
Most of you know that I am not an ordinary person. I have seen what has happened to others, and I'Il be darned if I will let it happen to me. This article discusses some of my observations of others and some alternatives to consider.
Have you discussed death with your spouse, close relative, or care giver? If not, you should. The sooner, the better. It is all too easy to ignore the issue or to assume that one or the other will die first. Unfortunately, this assumption may be in error, for none of us can foresee the future that well. In any case, there are some things you should do to make sure your desires are followed and reduce the burden on the survivor and loved ones.
You should have a will to cover your estate, regardless of how small or large it may be. You should have a living will so that you will have the one person you have chosen to make the decisions you desire for you when you are unable to do so for yourself. There are other related documents such as a durable power of attorney for health care and a natural death act declaration that ensures that you are cared for in the way you desire when you cannot talk for yourself. When you are admitted to a hospital, you or your spouse will be asked very difficult questions about what should be done under certain conditions. These documents will make life a lot easier at a difficult time. ConsuIt your attorney and doctor for detaiis.
Have you made your final funeral arrangements? You will be asked this question when you are admitted to a convalescent hospital. This is very easy. I suggest you visit a funeral home of your choice. Tell them what you want to consider, and hear what they can offer. Discuss arrangement details and price. In California, they have to give you an itemized statement. If you do not like what they have to offer, you can go to another one. When you find what is to your liking, you can have this put into a document. A copy is kept by the funeral home, and you should place a copy with a copy of your will. Some may ask for a deposit or payment, but you do not have to pay for services until they are received. You should know how your estate will pay for the services if you have sufficient funds. If this will be a problem, make payments on an installment plan. It is much cheaper than an insurnace policy at your age.
The above are relatively simple administrative procedures. The most difficult issues relate to emotions. Emotions may make the above very difficult because some people cannot address dying. In that case, I feel sorry for them, but I do not have the background, knowledge, or training to make recommendations for them. Several differeint scenarios are discussed below. Some are from real life and others are hypothetical.
A couple well into their 80s were good friends of mine. She was a good cook and played the organ. She had macular degeneration and became very dependent upon her husband, who had heart problems and emphysema. They were getting ready to move into an assisted living complex; but before the arrangements were made, he died. She was devastated! She was homebound, because she could not drive, could not read her mail, and she was all alone. To move, you have to decide what to do with a lifetime accumulation of stuff, and this takes eyes. There seemed to be a never ending pile of paperwork. She had to call upon her daughter for help. She lost control of her environment, and she died shortly thereafter.
Remember that life is like a ball of string. The closer to the end, the faster it goes. There may never be a tomorrow!
In the above case, they waited too long before making an adjustment in their living arrangements. Also, they did not have a way to address what each would do if the other died. These problems occur all too frequently.
In many cases it is assumed that the care giver will out live the care receiver. The future of the care giver needs to be planned for, too. The care giver may have made the care receiver overly-dependent to satisfy the giver's emotional needs. The caregiver may now be at a loss when the care receiver dies and may have no purpose in life. This is not a healthy mental condition. If partners talk over these problems frankly and have alternative plans, they can have peace of mind, and the survivor will have fewer problems in adjusting.
With my military experience and having been a professional planner, I had to look into the future with vision, so I tend to look at the future as a series of alternative plans. This view allows me to consider various scenarios which represent the best case, the worst case, and variations on each. Looking at you and your mate's future is important if you are to be prepared for different situations. These plans should address both financial and emotional problems. Everybody is different. You may need professional help.
The development of independent living skills is important for the vision impaired. These skills can improve one's quality of life. But where can you learn such skills? My first suggestion is to check into independent living skills, or low vision rehabilitation, classes. Most state agencies and the Veterans Administration can introduce you to such programs. Some additional suggestions include:
If you have reached this point in this long article, I give you credit. You may be one step closer to a better future.
